diff --git a/views/shared/modals/new-stuff.jade b/views/shared/modals/new-stuff.jade
index 8951243a7c..11544f9e0d 100644
--- a/views/shared/modals/new-stuff.jade
+++ b/views/shared/modals/new-stuff.jade
@@ -16,9 +16,19 @@ script(type='text/ng-template', id='modals/newStuff.html')
               table.table.table-striped
                 tr
                   td
-                    p Reminder that today is the <strong>last day</strong> to get the Forest Walker Subscriber Set before it disappears forever! If you want the Forest Walker Armor or the Forest Walker Antler head accessory, this is your last chance to subscribe and get it.
+                    p Hiya, folks! I'm Mrs. Carrot the Carroty Carrot, and I am your new announcer here at HabitRPG! I'm pleased to say that we've released several important updates that we are convinced will drastically improve user experience. Be sure to click around to admire our completely warranted and not at all arbitrary changes! In short, we were worried that the fantasy role-playing-game theme was getting somewhat overplayed, so we've decided unanimously to take the app in a different, more nutritious direction.
+                    br
+                    p After all, talking vegetables NEVER get old.
+                    small.muted By @lemoness and @baconsaur
+              span.badge.badge-info April F... irst.
+
+    hr
+    h5 03/31/2014
+    table.table.table-striped
+      tr
+        td
+          p Reminder that today is the <strong>last day</strong> to get the Forest Walker Subscriber Set before it disappears forever! If you want the Forest Walker Armor or the Forest Walker Antler head accessory, this is your last chance to subscribe and get it.
 
-              small.muted 03/31/2014
 
     hr
     h5 03/25/2014